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The Nedar Campaign - Chapter 3
(With apologies all round...NOT!)

Mission Three - Techno, Heck no


1. Find H.G. Wells and steal his Time Machine
2. Go back in time and wait for further instructions


Battlefield online! WOOHOO!

"Its my turn to lead this mission" said Qwik the Dick "because you others are getting all the glory".
We all looked at each other and groaned. "Who else is going with you?" asked The Loin & Groin.
"Well, as we don't know what to expect, I suggest we all go this time"... said Qwik.

"Sorry, but I don't think I can leave my little kitties that long, they need lots of hugs you see", The Loin retorted.
"Any one else with an excuse had better be ready to dig latrines for a month, or change the Kitty Litter for a week"
sneered Qwik the Dick.
Obviously everyone was ready to go.

"So where do we find this geezer H.G. Wells then?" said Holk the Incredible
"Don't know," said Qwik, "But we are not going 20,000 Leagues under the Sea or to the Centre of the Earth to look for him".
"How about we check all the pubs and red light districts?" suggested Pair of Titties.
"Trust you to think of those places, and I bet you will go with the Whacking Stew as a guide?" Rev. Mack said.
"Too bloody true, nobody knows them better," laughed Pair of Titties
"Well, take Ten Four Sir with you and TRY to keep out of trouble please" growled Loin.

Ten hours later 10/4, Pair of Titties and the Stew staggered back to base with an old guy in tow, who was moaning to himself.
It seems that this bunch of reprobates had met at the "Crossed Legs" pub and convinced H.G. Wells to become their bosom buddy. In the long process, delayed on purpose by the Stew so he could get in more drinking time, H.G. had agreed that the team could use his Time Machine on condition we gave it back in one piece. Silly old bugger!

Qwik the Dick was not amused because of the delay, and went to where the Time Machine was stored.
After giving it a cursory glance it was obvious that some alterations would have to be made to it, as it could only seat four people. The Rev. Mack remarked that he wouldn't be going with us as he had a revival meeting to go to. (Yeah, sure!!)
So Qwik the Dick asked if anyone had any ideas.
Pair of Titties looked at Whacking Stew and grinned, then said "We could stay with Tanya while you are away and that would only leave you to find seating for four more".

Chits Ahoy declared that the rest could get in his chopper after tying it to the top of the Time Machine, making it one unit.
"At last a sensible solution" cried our self appointed leader, Qwik, "lets get started, and you two, pointing at Stew and Pair of Titties, can get lost for all the help you are".
Needless to say our dubious comrades disappeared quickly, laughing like jackasses.


The next day.....


All was ready with the chopper securely tied down to the Time Machine with Chits Ahoy, Neo Nazi, Holk and Ten Four Sir in the whirlybird, and Qwik the Dick, Hetty Hun, WhoMan and Lof7yfoo7 in the machine itself.
H.G. was wringing his hands in despair, praying his invention would be returned in one piece, and Loin was giving last minute instructions to Qwik. "Now remember to wait for further instructions when you reach your destination" admonished Loin.
"I meant to ask you that boss, what is our destination?" enquired Qwik the Dick 
The Loin looked bemused and said, "I thought you knew, it's the Jurassic Period"
"You mean where all those big beastie things live, you know, dinosaurs?" cried Qwik.
"Yes and good luck, you're going to need it," laughed Loin. And with that, he gave the machine a swift kick and the power unit gave a lurch and backfired then quick as a blink the whole contraption disappeared.

"Come on kitties, time for some pizzas" called Loin, and without another thought for his comrades, sauntered off to the Pizza Hut. 
The Rev. Mack come out of hiding thanking his lucky stars no one had insisted he go on the mission. 
"I might design missions that are near impossible to complete, but at least they don't have misfits like that in them" he mumbled to no one...
Meanwhile, Pair of Titties and Whacking Stew grabbed H.G Wells and made their way back to the "Crossed Legs" pub to finish off what they left the night before. (As there might be young readers, I will not go into details here)


In the Time Machine

The world appeared to be spinning in every direction at the same time and a loud groan was heard from the rear, as WhoMan started to chuck up. "Where's the bags?" asked Lof7yfoo7 as he tried to duck the worst of it
"I told you two to sit up the front" yelled Hetty Hun, "but oh no, you just had to sit behind us, yuk!"
"I feel kind of funny too" moaned Qwik, and promptly threw up in Hetty's pocket. Hetty was too busy praying to notice anyway.
After what seemed liked an eternity, the noise and spinning stopped, and a deathly hush descended in the craft.
They had arrived.....

Every one slowly got out of the Time Machine and were surprised to see that the chopper was still attached and the others none the worse for wear.
"What time period are we in?" asked Neo Nazi, looking around in trepidation
"Well, according to these old fashioned instruments that Wells fellow has in here, it's definitely the Jurassic Period"
declared Qwik the Dick. "I suppose we will just have to wait for the next mission objectives, so in the meantime, I suggest we make camp and setup a guard routine. And with that, the first part of the mission was achieved.


"Transmission coming in load and clear" announced Ten Four Sir, the mission radio operator

Objectives

1. Locate a Russian base five miles East of your position
2. Destroy the base and capture the original Einstein Time Machine
3. Return to base with both machines and all team members
4. If possible, bring back a T.Rex for a B.B.Q.

"Bloody doesn't want much does he?" moaned Qwik the Dick, "How the hell are we supposed to fit a Rexxy AND all the team in two machines?"
"Well that's easy, we just cut it up into pieces and pack it the freezer box" drooled the Incredible Holk.
"And where are we going to get a freezer box here you stupid man?" asked Qwik the Dick.
"I was sitting on one coming here with all my beer, which I will drink by the time you lot are ready to start" replied Holk.
Qwik was heard to grumble something about "Bloody Aussies and their drinking habits"

"Right lads, lets get ready to move out. Neo Nazi and Holk stay here and guard the equipment, and if you get a chance to kill a Tyrannosaurus Rex, do it and get it in the freezer box. The rest of you follow me" commanded Qwik.
At last, the second part of the mission looked like it was going to be under way
Neo Nazi and Holk settled down to empty the freezer box.


Three hours later...

Having trekked through the worst vegetation any of the party had seen, the team came upon a clearing that held the Russian base. There were only a couple of buildings, some barrels and ammo boxes and the Einstein Time Machine in the clearing.
The base seemed to be lightly guarded by six or seven conscripts and an automatic sentry gun.
Qwik the Dick called WhoMan and Lof7yfoo7 closer and whispered "We need to get a couple of guys right into the camp, so if you two get your cow disguise on you can just stroll on in".
"You've got to be kidding us?" cried WhoMan and Lof7y
"Got a better idea boys?" demanded Qwik.

So the two youngsters pulled the cow disguise out a backpack and WhoMan got in front and Lof7y took up the rear end.
Amidst the silent laughs of the others, they ambled closer to the Russian camp, stopping every so often for WhoMan to pretend to eat some grass. Halfway there, Lof7y slipped and went down. "Stop dragging your ass and come on" whispered WhoMan. "Well you stop eating curries before a mission," retorted Lof7y.
Eventually they were well inside the camp and hastily doffed the outfit and took up positions.
With an almighty whoop, the rest of the team came screaming in and pandemonium was rife. Within five minutes it was all over and the base was theirs.

Meanwhile….

Neo Nazi and the Incredible Holk were pissed, but to their credit, the freezer was empty and waiting to be filled with a Rexxy.
"I wonder how the others are doing," pondered Holk
"Don't know, don't care" slurred Neo
"Well I suppose we better start looking for a T.Rex to take back with us before they return, you know what a stickler Qwik is for completing all the objectives" said Holk

At that moment came a roar that froze the very marrow of their bones. A strong fetid odor came wafting in and Neo Nazi's stomach lost its contents. "Bloody waste of good beer" complained Holk, but then he saw something that was worse than the Loins smile. Standing less than fifty feet from them was a huge T.Rex with a grin to make a dentist drool.

Quick as a flash, Holk told Neo to distract the monster, and with that he swung up into the chopper and started to figure out the controls. Neo, meanwhile, was waving his arms around and crying "Hey, Toro, Toro"
Just as the animal started to rush at Neo, Holk opened fired with the chopper's machine guns.
With a God awful roar, the Rexxy dropped down dead at Neo's feet.
It took the two of them two and a half hours to cut up the carcass and stuff it in the freezer box.
As they were cleaning up, the rest of the gang turned up with the other Time Machine.

After reports all round, everything was stowed away on board and Ten Four Sir got on the radio to report a successful mission.
"Well done you peeps, and get home soon before you meet Rexxy's parents, hehehe" replied Loin.
And with that our little band of heroes beat a hasty retreat back to base.
When they got back and had a well deserved shower, they took part in the biggest B.B.Q. anyone had ever seen, the only thing to spoil the party was the lack of beer. Some lowlife had nicked all Loin's supply.

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