« previous chapter | next chapter »

The Nedar Campaign - Chapter 2
(With apologies all round...NOT!)


Mission Two - Once more into the Beach

1. Protect Whacking Stew at all costs and keep him happy
2. Clear out all Marine obstructions ( Like Naval Bog men)
3. Find a safe house for a party
4. Send the bill to Loin


Battlefield online - YEEHI!

"Right you lot, lets get organized and decide how we are going to meet the objectives" Loin said between mouthfuls of Anchovy and Peanut butter Pizza, while his cats, Samson and Garfield were licking up the crumbs.

The Rev.Mack looked away in disgust and said "It's no good saying Grace around here, 'cus there isn't any"
The Loin gave the Rev. a :frown: because he is too nice to give him :afinger:

"As Planning Officer, I think we should have the party first, in case we don't survive the mission" suggested Hetty Hun
"Party? Did some one say party?" cried WhoMan and Lof7y together, "Yummy, yummy I get food in my tummy"

This is a typical day in the officers club, where nothing gets done until the kids have their snacks and everyone gives their views on how anything should be done. A real, democratic hell.

Chits Ahoy thought he could do the mission on his own in his trusty chopper, but was voted out of order by Qwik the Dick.
"As Admin Officer, I decide who, what, when, where and how things are done around here" thundered Qwik
So, everyone asked him "Who, what, when, where and how?" and the poor sod was completely stumped.

The Incredible Holk stepped into the fray, and let us all know that as the Deployment and Reinforcement Officer, the responsibility was his.
Everyone was happy with this, as it meant if the mission failed, we could all blame him. Hehehe

Rev.Mack wondered where Whacking Stew was, because the first objective was to keep him safe and happy.
As usual, Pair of Titties, being of the same persuasion as Whacking Stew, said he thought The Stew was down the ablution block again trying to chat up Tanya. (This was completely unfair, as any one with an ounce of sense knows that The Stew is a honourable man)

"Leave him there" said Loin "How much trouble can he get into at his age?"
With this sorted out, it was just a matter to decide how long the gang could be away from the den before it all went to hell in a basket. (Believe me, not very long)

It was finally decided to send the two young ones, together with Neo Nazi, Hetty Hun and the Incredible Holk, to destroy all the naval bases and units.
While this was going on, the Rev.Mack and Qwik Dick would try to locate a safe place for the party.

See, the officers can get themselves organized when the chips are down.


Later.....

The convoy of tanks rolled through the hills towards the coastline, where our spy satellite had shown a large enemy naval base.
The plan was to ask them nicely to give up and join our side. Failing that, we would use our secret weapon against them.
What is our secret weapon you ask? Well if you wait awhile and stop asking stupid questions, you will find out.

"Whoa, stop, I see the base" yelled Neo Nazi. "Lets send Hetty Hun down to negotiate a settlement as planned".
"Bloody Hell, why me?" moaned Hetty.
"Because you are such a nice guy, and besides, I want to take a leak," said Neo Nazi

Needless to say, Hetty came back with his shirttail hanging out and a bloody nose.
"You booger Neo, next time you can go" wailed poor old Hetty. "They are LTFAO down there"
"Right, that does it, we will advance in a pincer movement and blast the shit out of them, OK?" bragged Neo

WhoMan and Lof7yFoo7 went to the right, Neo Nazi took the centre, and Hetty Hun and the Incredible Holk covered the left.
When they got within one hundred yards of the enemy base, a strange sight was revealed to our heroes.
Hundreds of infantry were advancing towards them, singing and laughing holding chickens in their hands

Without warning, the enemy soldiers started hurling the chickens at the advancing tanks.
"Hey guys, they are throwing chickens at us" cried WhoMa.
"That's fowl play," retorted Lof7y
"Eggactly" said Hetty Hun
"What a funny yolk" replied The Holk

"Knock it off with the bad puns, you morons" shouted Neo Nazi, " Let's use our secret weapon now" (Now you peeps will get to know what the secret weapon was. I told you that I would in awhile)

Everyone was quite and held their breath, as the Incredible Holk stepped forward and with a gleam in his eye. Whipped out his keyboard and with a masterful flourish DELETED the whole damn lot of them!
"That will teach them to mess with the Holk," he cried.
The team were flabbergasted, never in the history of the team had so many been whipped by so few!

"Right, back to the base and the party boys"; Commander Neo said. And with that, it was a race to see who could get there first

Later at the base.....

"That is the biggest load of bullcrap I have ever heard," thundered Da loin, when the returned battle group told him what had happened.
"Honest Boss, it's the truth, every last one of them was deleted, gone, vanished into the void" …replied Neo Nazi
"Well next time let me know what you are planning first, OK?" replied Loin

"Oh for heavens sake will you two shut up and tell us where the party is, because me and Lof7y are starving?" cried WhoMan.
"Sorry boys, but it seems that Whacking Stew and Pair of Titties had their own party with Tanya, and the Rev.Mack has gone to post bail for them. No party now 'cus we had to use the funds for the bail" sighed Da Loin

And so another day ends with the usual mixed bag of results.....

« previous chapter | next chapter »

« War Stories index